Motivation, where art thou?

I wish I understood motivation. I wish I understood where it went. I wish I understood how to generate it.

While chatting with a friend this morning about how long it’s been since I did any archery, I worked out that it was just over 9 months ago, in late September 2008. The same evening that I screwed up my arm.

Truth be told, the main reason I’ve not shot since then is fear of repeating that excruciating pain, and the long, slow physiotherapy process required to simply have a normal arm again. As mentioned in my New Year post, I think compound might be an option, and I’m planning on trying one out tomorrow. More to follow on this.

I then looked at the time I blogged about archery prior to that date and it was October 2007 — back when I was going to the gym 3 times a week, running 3 times a week, and doing archery 2 times a week. I was a calorie-burning and weight-loss machine, burning 3,000-4,000 calories a week on exercise alone, who was spending most of his spare time being active. I’d dropped from 118kg to 106kg and felt fantastic, culminating in the 5km Santa’s fun run.

Now 21 months on I’m worse off and heavier than I was back then, simply because I’ve lost the motivation to just get out there and do it. My running shoes are constantly calling out to me, my pushbike eyes me malevolently whenever I’m in the garage, and my bank statement proudly displays my wasted monthly gym payment, so I know I need to get back into the groove.

I know it’ll happen eventually — it’s how I’m wired. I just wish I knew why motivation ebbs and flows like this.

Back to the gym… again!

Today was my first visit to the gym in… some time. In fact, I’ve not been at all this year — and we’re 1/3 of the way through it! My weight has started to climb back up, stairs and hills are interesting again, I’m becoming noticeably lethargic, and yet I’m finding it difficult to sleep properly and to get up in the mornings. There are no valid excuses, merely a list of reasons that begin with me first not being able to go due to injury, enjoying the spare time a little too much, then falling out of the exercise habit and even forgetting to go, and then trying to regain the motivation to get past the embarrassment and gain the willpower to actually get back into the routine.

It’s awful to be back at square one again, knowing that all — or most — of the progress I’ve made in the past has gone again. Still, the irritating optimist I try to hide behind a mask of faux-pessimism knows that I’ve done it once before, so I can do it again.

So today I met Tarkwin at the leisure centre, where we both discovered that the planned gym extension has now been completed, and found ourselves standing in what felt like a proper commercial gym. A strange feeling for a council facility, which my experiences have shown are usually grubby, run-down and provide well-loved wobbly machines. It was unexpectedly encouraging.

Surprisingly, my exercise card was still in the rack, yet Tarkwin’s wasn’t. The staff put a sticker on the card every 2-3 months to ask you to book a Re-Focus (a reassessment to you and me) and if, after a month, you haven’t booked it they remove your card to free up space in the card rack for members who attend — or so the theory goes. I ripped my sticker off late last year as I hadn’t been going often at that point, and the “torn sticker” look seems to get the hint across.

I did most of the scheduled workout, with the exception of the dip/pullup machine and rower, and kept all the intensities at the lowest of the sliding scale and found that, although it was hard work, I managed it without killing myself or feeling bad afterwards. Very pleased indeed — and lifted some of the despair I had at having let myself go (yet) again. Again. Again.

Looking forward to Wednesday’s visit, and plan to get out either for a walk, jog or cycle tomorrow if they weather’s nice. The shoes and Forerunner need a dust-off, and the bike just needs a once-over and the tyres to be pumped up. Providing there’s sunshine, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to get out at start on the road to increased fitness again.

Then I’ll come back and watch the London Marathon and dream of entering it someday. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do it, but I expect I’ll have done the Reading Half Marathon before then as part of the lead up to it, and a lot of 5K (such as the Santa’s Fun Run) before that.

One step at a time…

Weight to Go – 1 month later

Well, it’s been exactly one month since I started Weight To Go, and I have to admit that the results have been positive. This time last month I weighed 122kg and now I’m a fraction over 117kg. A 5kg (11lb) loss in 31 days is a success by anyone’s reckoning.

I should clarify that I’ve done next to no exercise in the last month, for a variety of reasons ranging from injury to weather to bone idle laziness. I’m planning on rectifying that very soon, so we’ll see how that goes.

The little weight-tracking iPhone app I use, called Weightbot, conservatively forecasts that at my current rate I’ll drop below 100kg in November. Simple maths suggests it might happen much sooner–sometime in May or June–but I suppose the app is allowing for the few speedbumps I’ve had this last month and the historical data I entered as far back as August last year, which was nowhere near as encouraging as this last month has been.

The meals are still not a problem, though I do stray a little bit here and there–but I’ve always read that sticking religiously to something will drive you nuts–so I’m not afraid of the occasional pub lunch with my colleagues or dinner out, trying to limit it to no more than once a week if possible. I sometimes won’t have fruit with each morning or evening blended shake–it depends on whether I’ve remembered to buy some–though I try for at least a banana or handful of berries (strawberries, blueberries and/or blackberries), and each afternoon shake is simply mixed with water using a spoon (a little chunky like badly prepared Quik, but palatable–ideally you’d blend it at home and bring it to work). I still have a slice of bread (or two) and margarine with some of my meals, but other than that I’m sticking to the plan.

So that’s it for this update. I’ll continue with Weight To Go and let you know how things are going in a month or so.

Weight To Go – Day 12

Well, it’s been 12 days since I began the Weight To Go system. I weighed myself this morning at 119.7kg — that’s a 2.3kg (5lb) loss over almost 2 weeks. And a total of 3kg lost this month. Very pleasing.

The programme is turning out to be much easier than I had expected, and I’m still finding the shakes filling and palatable, especially when mixing berries and/or bananas in with them. I’m not sure if it’s some secret ingredient in the shakes*, the simple fact of having the exact nutrients required to stave off hunger without adding too many calories, or the fact they’re so aerated by the blender, but I really feel no inclination to snack between meals.

In fact, I usually have to remind myself to have the afternoon shake as I often don’t feel hungry at all — but I make myself have it around 4pm, as it will be at least another 3 hours before dinner and I don’t want to find myself yearning for a snack. This is particularly an issue at my office, where all my colleagues seem to look for any excuse to run out to buy some doughnuts, pastries, bacon and sausage baguettes, or all manner of fried or sugary food for everyone at the drop of a hat. It’s a lovely sense of camaraderie, but a nightmare if you’re me.

A weak point for me (outside the office junkfood smorgasboard) is immediately after the evening meal. Perhaps I’ve unwittingly trained myself as some kind of Pavlovian Dog, but for some time I’ve started to crave a dessert/sweet the moment I’ve finished dinner — not even 30 minutes to an hour later. For a few nights I found myself finishing dinner at around 7:00pm and knowing that I’d need to have a shake later that evening — say around 9pm — but looking for something sweet in between, and raiding the cupboard. I now address this by having my evening shake either immediately after dinner or as soon as I feel that post-dinner craving. It works.

I’m not a strict adherent to the diet on good days, either, as I do add the occasional item to the shakes or meals (with the shakes it’s often fruit, and with meals it’s often bread to help with the soup or wet dinner cleanup) as well as alcohol, whether it be wine or beer. Though I’m naturally someone who rarely has more than 2 drinks in one sitting, regardless of whether it’s been a 2 years or 2 days since my last drink, so it’s not going to add immensely to my caloric intake.

Providing one can overcome the cost of the programme, I think this is something that one can continue over the long term. And that’s something I plan to do, finances permitting.

I’ll let you know how I get on.

* I really hope not, as it will make the eventual to normal meals extremely difficult. But a secret incredientia is unlikely: their ingredients page makes it pretty clear.

Day No.1 of Weight To Go

Here’s the rundown of my first day on the Weight To Go system (I really should get paid for all this advertising), as promised…

First up this morning I weighed myself in at a dismal 122.0kg exactly on my Tanita digital bathroom scales. Not a happy start, but a useful baseline for the first day of a diet plan.

Breakfast was a shake with fruit. I chose the strawberry flavour, as I think it’s it’s the most morning-like of the bunch and is a better choice for mixing with berries. I poured 200ml of water and a handful of ice cubes into the blender, emptied in the shake powder sachet, added fresh strawberries, raspberries and blueberries, and then blended them together for ~30 seconds. My blender only has the one speed, so it was very straightforward. The end result was ~700ml of aerated smoothie. And it was delicious, with a nice creamy taste! My only reservation is that I’ll probably save the blueberries for the vanilla flavour, but that’s just a taste thing.

For lunch I chose the red pepper soup, and its preparation is the same as for all of the wet packet foods: open the corners of the packet and place in the microwave for 2 minutes, remove the top of the packet completely and stir the contents, then back in the microwave for another 1 minute. The soup was very nice — not too peppery.

The afternoon shake was vanilla, and this one I kept plain: just water, ice and sachet, blended together. It was quite nice as it was, though I think things like blueberries will add to it, as creamy/foamy vanilla is very plain as a drink.

For dinner I chose the Cumbrian meatballs and, because I didn’t have my act together this evening in terms of vegetables to go with it, “southern style” oven fries. A very British meal: animal protein and chips. While not the most balanced meal I could have had, it was marvellous. If tonight’s meal was anything to go by, these packet meals are going to be no problems at all — particularly as there seems to be quite a range to choose from.

The post-dinner shake was banana and, because I had 2 over-ripe bananas that either needed to be eaten or composted, I thought I’d try a banana smoothie: water, ice, sachet, and 2 bananas. And very nice it was, too.

Perhaps it was because I had all my meals late today, being a Saturday and I slept late, but I found having what is effectively 5 meals quite a challenge: I had breakfast ~10:30, lunch ~14:30, afternoon shake ~17:00, dinner ~20:30 and “dessert” shake ~22:00. I suspect things will be different during the week, particularly as I’ll be having breakfast ~07:30, so it will be interesting to see if I have this “can I fit it all in dilemma”.

Now’s the time to confess a little, perhaps to offset the overly positive suggestions from the previous paragraph, but that wasn’t all I consumed today. Excluding a couple of cups of tea (no sugar), I also had 2 slices of margarined bread with soup at lunch, 2 pints of ale in the evening (it’s the weekend!), and a Kit-Kat after dinner. Not quite the strict adherence to a plan that I’d envisaged, but it’s the weekend and, at least as far as lunch goes, if I’m to endure soup (even nice soup) it has to have something to provide texture and absorption.

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday is that none of the food requires refrigeration. It will all happily sit in your cupboards — or in the box it came in, if you’re particularly lazy — and the expiry dates are reasonably high. Aside from the water and optional ice, the only perishables that you require are the fresh fruit for the morning shake and the vegetables for the evening meal. This could mean that big American-style fridge-freezer you have could become nothign more than an expensive ice-cube tray holder and fruit and vege crisper…

Other than the variations and concerns about being able to get it all in there every day, I’m very pleased with today’s test. But rather than post daily updates — I can’t imagine anything more boring than a “I ate X, Y and Z today” food diary blog — I’ll probably just provide a summary at the end of the 7 days. Suffice to say it’s encouraging, and seems viable over the long term.

Weight To Go has arrived

Having made the order for a 7-day Standard (omnivore) starter package of Weight To Go on Tuesday and only receiving the despatch notification this morning, I was resigned to receiving the package on Monday. After all, what’s the point of ordering a 7-day trial of a product when the product takes a week to deliver, particularly if you’re planning on continuing with the programme if it turns out to be suitable? However, I received the package later this afternoon via courier, which is still not a very good turnaround time but was not entirely unexpected as their Shipping & Returns page says they ship the packages after 2-3 days, which I assumed excluded the courier’s delivery time.

For those who may be interested, I thought I’d provide a little unwrapping experience, more to illustrate exactly what you get with an order. The box it all came in contained:

• A pricelist and re-order discount page, an explanation of how to use the plan (how much to eat, when and what else can be eaten with it), how the plan works and recommendations on food and drink while on the plan.
• Instructions on how to prepare the shakes, as well as providing alternate ways of preparing them: hot, cold, sweeter, less sweet, thickshake, as a dessert, mousse or pudding, and flavouring alternatives.
• A leaflet offering a place in their Success Story programme if you have 2 stones (13kg) or more to lose, presumably to make you a case study.
• Lunch meals: 7 packets of (wet) soup, similar to the packets used for Uncle Ben’s Express Rice and gourmet soups. The flavours are 2 each of red pepper, sweet parnsip, pea & ham, and 1 of Mediterranean vegetable.
• Evening meals: 7 different meal packets, in the same kinds of packets as the soup. The flavours are spicy vegetable dahl, tender one pot chicken casserole, chilli con carne, Cumbrian meatballs, fragrant chicken curry, pasta bolognaise, and succulent braised beef.
• A box containing 21 milkshakes in foil sachets and 2 energy bars. The shakes were 5 each of banana, chocolate and strawberry, and 6 vanilla. The bars are called “chocolate crispy” and “caramel energy”, and the documentation states these are intended as energy supplements during exercise. The shakes are for breakfast and two snacks through the day — the documentation suggests one in the afternoon and one after the evening meal — totalling 3 per day.

Each packet states the number of calories in each, though I presume that as this system is designed to average 850 calories per day, that information is not of much use unless you’re tempted to swap, say, a shake for a soup.

I’ll be starting the plan tomorrow morning, so I’ll keep you updated.

Short walk & Weight To Go

I went for a half mile walk this lunchtime, as it was time for a haircut and it was as good an excuse as any to see how my back was progressing, and was pleasantly surprised to be able to do it without too many negative effects. If I kept my stride length short and kept relaxed, there were very few spasms in my lower back (it feels just like it’s the coccyx that’s been damaged). While it shows I’m not back to normal yet, it’s encouraging that I’m getting noticeably better, and am going to use today’s small success as a catalyst to range further daily (subject to weather) over the next week or so. It’s tough knowing when to rein yourself in: either you go all out and end up back at square one, or you get over-cautious and stay indoors for the next 6 months.

While at a night school class last night that I’ve just started, I heard one of the ladies talking about a weight loss programme she’s been on since September/October on the recommendation of her doctor, and she says she’s lost 3 stones (19kg) in just over 3 months. Apparently she achieved this success while doing Weight To Go, a programme that has been trialled and is now partnered and recommended by the UK’s National Health Service, with some Primary Care Trusts (PCTs) offering it as either subsidised or free to patients. The main NHS website isn’t much help (not the best search engine) and, as the NHS is quite distributed, a Google search returns quite a few hits.

The Weight To Go website seems a little high on testimonial and anecdotal content for my skeptical mind, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s ineffective or has a catch. The programme is a total food replacement system that provides all the food you’ll need (except for drinks, fresh fruit and vegetables). By providing almost all the food that you put into your mouth, it’s a nutritionally-balanced calorie-controlled diet; as opposed to most dieting systems that reduce your calories while taking no consideration of nutritional balance.

I tried out a similar commercial programme in Australia shortly before I moved to the UK (while I was at my heaviest of 126kg) — though that was all individually package-per-meal fresh food kept in a foam coolbox until it reached your door — and it was working, but I moved to the UK (which had no similar programmes) before I could see major benefits. It’s this past experience, my classmate’s personal experience and the link with NHS recommendation that have me very interested in this new programme. This morning I rang my local GP’s office to ask whether they know about or recommend the programme, and I’m awaiting a callback. At £55 per 7-day package, it’s worth asking the question.

The only remaining factor is what to do once one has achieved an acceptable weight, which is where 99% of dieting systems let you down. My plan is to have integrated regular sport and physical activity into my life to naturally consume what should, by then, become a natural, normal pattern of eating: food content and portion size, both of which let me down, along with regular activity. Everyone knows that if the calories used (out) exceed the calories consumed (in) you will lose weight — it’s achieving this consistently, on a daily basis, that is the challenge.

New Year and all that…

It’s with the usual sense of shock that I realise I haven’t updated this blog in some time. It’s not entirely surprising as since my last post I’ve only made it to the gym 2-3 times, walked 3-4 times, and have done no running or cycling. Some of this has been due to a new business venture I’m putting together, which has been consuming all my recreational time, including my exercise time, but essentially it’s poor time management and some misplaced priorities. What’s worse is that I’ve put even more weight on: I’m back over 120kg. In all, it’s abysmal.

Conversely, Tarkwin has been making great strides in his physical health plan. He’s almost down to my minimum from last year and is looking worlds better for it. People may seem — or say they are — happy when fat and overweight, but the physical, emotional and hormonal benefits of slimming down are undeniable. You don’t have to be the ridiculous “ideal weight” than the BMI fantasy encourages, but somewhere in the broader Overweight category is worlds better than Obese (or higher).

With my return to work this week, after a lovely break over Christmas and the New Year (happy new year, all!), I plan to resume my exercising. As might be expected, already there has been a speedbump in that plan as yesterday I managed to hurt my lower back whilst carrying stuff downstairs into the garage and slipping on the icy steps. Not ideal, but I know it’s just a speedbump. I’ll be careful with it and start out easy.

My shoulder is still not completely healed, as evidenced whenever I happen to sneeze. It’s making me think that I may never be able to resume recurve or traditional archery. I might be able to do compound archery (referred to as The Dark Side because it’s as far from conventional archery as it’s possible to be), but even that’s not certain right now. Besides, I feel that I need to regain my core strength and basic core fitness before I consider it.

Fortunately (for me) it’s the middle of winter, so nobody in their right mind is riding a motorcycle with any regularity. While this means my riding skills are going rusty (I find that even a week without driving a car makes my driving feel uncoordinated for a short time), it does mean I’m not tempted to try out a ride on the bike. The sore back also puts paid to this for now. I suspect I’ll need to think about a more upright bike soon enough, especially if the shoulder continues as it has. The original plan was for a touring bike anyway, so now maybe it’ll become a necessity. Still, we’ll see once the sun rediscovers the northern hemisphere.

I’ve also made the decision to completely give up fullbore target rifle. It’s not just because of the bad experience I had with my previous club, but also because the government and the MOD (as owners of the ranges most people shoot on) keeps adding more and more hurdles and requirements to clubs and members. As it’s not something I’m prepared to invest time in to become a competitive shooter, I may as well accept that it’s more effort than it’s worth and be shot of the increasingly wearisome responsibility of having a sniper rifle in my house. Increasing bureaucracy seems to be a sure-fire way of discouraging me from anything…

So there we have it. I’ve let myself go and am feeling physically and mentally bad for it (this is different from the “how could I have let this happen?” guilt/disgust, which also exists) and I’m full of good intentions and a plan to rectify it. Time to strap up my rustbucket of a body and rediscover my motivation.

Wish me luck!

GL book & walking for my supper

In a recent edition of the excellent Diggnation vodcast, Kevin Rose briefly mentioned a book he’d been reading that had helped him shed 10lb in 2 weeks without trying, and says he finds it easy to maintain the regime. Most people know that losing weight that quickly is usually down to dehydration, as popular diets tend to rely on 1-2 weeks of water loss masquerading as weight loss to boost morale and gain interest, but Kevin’s case it struck me as notable – and at the very least worth investigating – particularly as he’s a young, fit and active chap for whom such weight loss would be harder than it would be for someone like me. Kind of a law of diminishing returns: he has less to lose, so they’re harder to lose.So I though it worth checking out the book, The Gylcemic Load Diet by Rob Thompson, MD. After all, you can get it via Amazon UK for £9 plus delivery (Amazon US here) – even if it’s rubbish, it hasn’t cost you much.

So last week I read it cover to cover, which isn’t hard to do as it’s only 256 pages and a chunk of that are example recipes at the back, and now understand the core theory and method behind it. Although I’m yet to check his references, everything he said seemed to make sense. So much so that I believe it is achievable and I’m going to give it a go.

The reason I mention all this is that it strongly advocates just 20-30 mins of walking every second day (or every day if you have a sedentary job – like mine, where I drive a computer all day – and lifestyle). Part of the book’s core information is that low-fat foods are pointless when taken alongside the other information provided, so things like bacon and eggs aren’t taboo in moderation. I’m leaving out a lot of the reasoning as I think that if you’re interested in it, you really should read the book.

Armed with that, I’ve decided to walk more – and this includes Sunday mornings. In my family, bacon and eggs are a traditional Sunday breakfast, and it’s something I’ve occasionally indulged in by having bacon and HP Sauce sandwiches, as my Twitter followers would be able to attest. As the GL diet points out numerous problems with bread, I figured plain old bacon, eggs and tomatoes could be a solution – no need for bread! There is The Gorge Cafe, very popular and not far from where I go to the gym, and a fraction under 1.5 miles walking distance from home, who specialise in fry-ups – hence their popularity. So for brunch today I decided to walk for my supper: walked the 1.5 miles to The Gorge and very much enjoyed their Gorge Special (bacon, eggs, toast, and tomatoes or beans), leaving the toast untouched.

After a delicious fry-up, I decided to do a bit of exploring on the way home. I’ve lived in my house for 4 years now and my knowledge of the area is very limited as I haven’t walked off the main roads, so don’t know all the shortcuts, alleys and tracks that, say, your average foot-bound kid would know as a matter of course. Recently I noticed a park on a map of my area which was on the way home and reached by going into a doctor’s surgery carpark and out the back (the joys of England’s Rights of Way laws) and checked it out. After walking up a very steep, grassy hill I turned around to a magnificent hilltop view of central Reading towards the south and east. To my surprise there was a carefully mantained park and pathways running parallel to the road that I’ve spent much timing running along in the past. Definitely a more interesting route.

After that pleasant stroll, it was over Rotherfield Way and up Grove Hill (talk about steep hills!) to see what was up there. Having the choice to turn east through an estate of flats or north-west into the woods, I chose the latter. The area was riddled with tracks and it became apparent very soon that there was a school nearby – the school-age litter seemed to grow the closer I got to the school. I tried to avoid heading towards the school, but I made a wrong turn or two and found myself at the back fence of the school – surrounded by an appalling carpet (and I do mean carpet) of litter on both sides of the fence, so bad it was hard to see ground or grass underneath. Managed to find a way around the perimeter and found myself on the road leading to my street, a couple of hundred yards from home.

With the out-and-back walk plus all the meanderings, switch-backs and exploration, today’s walk was about 4 miles. Not bad in all, but substantially more than recommend in Dr Thompson’s book. Oh well, it was fun – there’s something about investigating and exploring that never gets old.

Saturday gym & health update

Well, I finally made it back to the gym this morning. The shoulder pain has lessened sufficiently to allow me to give it a go, and I’m pleased that it behaved itself nicely. If nothing else, it confirms it’s not a muscular issue and it lets me finally get back into resolving my deplorable loss of fitness and form.

Met Tarkwin in the leisure centre carpark at 10:30 and we didn’t waste any time giving ourselves a chance to back out. We both agreed to take it easy by dialling down our cardio and weight routines, and it worked a treat. I was able to do a full workout, at lower intensity, and felt great for it afterwards. Sure it wasn’t the level that I should have been doing, but I’d much rather take it easy than end up damaging myself or passing out. Tarkwin had the same positive experience, too.

So there it is… the start of my long road back to fitness. My weight has steadily crept back up to 118kg, I haven’t run since May and haven’t ridden my pushbike since the start of August. I’ve been very keen to remedy that ASAP, but the shoulder has been hampering that. And I’m still planning on doing this year’s Marlow Santa’s Fun Run, having recently received the entry details via email, which means I need to get my act together.

I have, however, been riding my new motorcycle – when the shoulder has been behaving – and that, strangely enough, has often been a workout in itself. For some perspective: I picked it up from the seller in the Tawe Valley in south Wales in mid-August and rode it the 160 miles home in some of the worst weather the region had seen in years. To make it worse, I hadn’t ridden at all in over 12 years and I spent the next 2 days with almost head-to-toe DOMS caused by a mixture of the stress of the ride (it’s a hell of a bike), the weather buffeting me, my long riding hiatus making me hang on for grim death, and muscles that have long since forgotten what’s required to ride a bike. I’m pleased to say that I’m now able to ride for hours with no more than normal concentration- and exertion-tiredness.

So although I’m disappointed I’ve ruined my previous hard work, I know what it takes to fix it. So… back to it!