Motivation, where art thou?

I wish I understood motivation. I wish I understood where it went. I wish I understood how to generate it.

While chatting with a friend this morning about how long it’s been since I did any archery, I worked out that it was just over 9 months ago, in late September 2008. The same evening that I screwed up my arm.

Truth be told, the main reason I’ve not shot since then is fear of repeating that excruciating pain, and the long, slow physiotherapy process required to simply have a normal arm again. As mentioned in my New Year post, I think compound might be an option, and I’m planning on trying one out tomorrow. More to follow on this.

I then looked at the time I blogged about archery prior to that date and it was October 2007 — back when I was going to the gym 3 times a week, running 3 times a week, and doing archery 2 times a week. I was a calorie-burning and weight-loss machine, burning 3,000-4,000 calories a week on exercise alone, who was spending most of his spare time being active. I’d dropped from 118kg to 106kg and felt fantastic, culminating in the 5km Santa’s fun run.

Now 21 months on I’m worse off and heavier than I was back then, simply because I’ve lost the motivation to just get out there and do it. My running shoes are constantly calling out to me, my pushbike eyes me malevolently whenever I’m in the garage, and my bank statement proudly displays my wasted monthly gym payment, so I know I need to get back into the groove.

I know it’ll happen eventually — it’s how I’m wired. I just wish I knew why motivation ebbs and flows like this.

Another Tuesday gym

Slept in on Saturday — a much needed sleep in I must admit — so missed gym on the weekend. Not beating myself up too much about it; I’m just happy to be resembling a pattern of gym attendance again.

Met Tarkwin in the carpark at 7:30pm, as agreed, and I knew straight away that he wasn’t going in. He looked like death warmed up and it wasn’t entirely surprising: he’d recently stopped smoking, was using nicotine patches (which have been making him jittery and nervous), and he hadn’t slept or eaten well for a few days as a result of it. I tried to coax him into coming in just for the treadmill, cycle or some weights so his trip hadn’t been for nothing, but he wasn’t having it.

Still, I applaud him for even coming to the leisure centre. He did so just to see if he’d feel half human after the drive and some fresh air. Guess not. We chatted for a while, then I went into the gym and he went home. Probably the best thing for him.

Tonight I thought I’d increase the times and/or levels on all my cardio equipment, and was actually able to do them all in order this time. There’s no doubt that my cardio fitness is already improving, in a remarkably short time. I was able to do the cross-trainer for the full duration, albeit at the lower end of the range I had recommended to me. I wasn’t quite able to manage the full 15 minutes of run/walk on the treadmill, but came in at an acceptable 12 minutes. The exercise bike was the hardest of all, probably because I’d drained my energy on the previous two machines; though I did 9 of the stipulated 10 minutes at the lowest end of the recommended range.

I certainly knew I’d worked out once I’d completed the cardio machines. Next was the weight machines, and for them I dropped down a weight to allow 2×15; previously I’d been doing 2×10 at the full weight, but it didn’t feel as though I was progresssing. I even managed the full set of planks: 2×20s each of front, left and right.

The cooldown stretching wasn’t as relaxing as I’d have liked, as I was still reeling from the workout. I hadn’t overdone it, but I’d come pretty close. I’d pushed both my cardio and muscles to the limit, and I felt marvellous — but knackered — for it.

The next couple of days are going to be interesting. My arms resemble jelly at the moment — I wonder what they’ll be like with both jelly control and stiffness? Still, it’s all worth it.

Hey… I’m running!

I’ve recently bought myself a copy of The Official British Army Fitness Guide (UK|US) written, as its title says, by the British Army. Well, the Army Physical Training Corps.

I read it on the weekend, and I’m rather impressed. Unlike the majority of fitness books and resources I’ve seen, this one is notable by its conspicuous absence of gadgets and special dietary shenanigans.

I’d written almost a whole review of this book before I remember that the Amazon (UK) website already has a number of perfectly acceptable reviews. Get your review fix there, or trust me when I say this book is excellent in its simplicity, range of coverage (aerobic fitness, strength, stretching and flexibility, warmups and cooldowns, safety, cross-training, nutrition, hydration, injury prevention, equipment), and wide-ranging fitness programmes that cover everyone from those who can jog for 1 minute in 4 right up those who can run at 60-70% effort for 40 mins. I use running as an example because it factors heavily in the aerobics component (though they show how walking or cycling can be used instead).

The running part…

It’s hard to believe that it was April 2008 — and while visiting another country — when I last went for a run outside the gym. How depressing!

This morning I awoke newly-enthused, got dressed, strapped on the Forerunner, waited an age for the GPS signal to lock, and began Week 1 Day 1 of the book’s basic aerobic programme. After 4 reps of 1 minute run and 3 minutes walk I was winded, mildly sweaty and happy. Hey… I ran!

I wasn’t paying attention to my pace, though SportTracks tells me that I ran under 10:00/mile each rep (and ~20:00/mile for the walk), averaging 15:23/mile. The average pace was nothing special, but I’m pleased that I managed sub-10:00 on each run part, as it’s so much faster than my previous regular running pace. Obviously I won’t be able to keep that pace up on a continuous run, but it would be nice to improve on my previous 14:30/mile average.

So after a year or so of being part of the wider Internet running community without actually running, I’m no longer a fraud! Well, you know what I mean.

Tuesday gym, for a change

Due to some classes at Tarkwin’s archery club, we’ve switched to Tuesday evening gym for the duration. Swapping is no big deal for me at the moment, and means we can still use each other for moral support. Such that it is.

Tonight was pretty much the same as Saturday, as I kept the same weights, times and levels, preferring to allow myself to acclimatise to the new levels rather than continually adding difficulty. Seems to be working well.

Saturday gym

There was no gym during the week or last weekend, as I was at a friend’s wedding for most of said weekend and felt a little worse for wear for the next couple of days. Rather than potentially ruin the nice new equipment, I thought my time would be better spent… doing nothing.

Met Tarkwin at the gym for 9:30pm and, despite having to queue up with all the families with their little kiddies, we were in before 10am. The workout was straightforward as I’m still keeping my limits below what is recommended on the card, preferring to build myself up slowly. It makes sense, and I’m managing to do it okay.

It’s life, gym…

Sunday and Monday were the days of DOMS. I felt it in a big way on Sunday, even having to adjust the way I got out of an armchair to appease my wailing muscles. No damage done, just simply a reaction to concentrated exercise again. It’ll be a thing of the past soon enough, so it’s all good.

Had an appallingly stressful day at work and to add insult to injury, a few miles from home a Volvo S40 though it would be a good idea to shunt me as I sat at a T-junction’s give-way sign waiting for a car to pass. It’s my 8th or 9th car accident in 20 years of driving and I’m still fortunate than none have been my fault (nor have I caused them!). Fortunately the damage seems to be minimal and we were both able to drive away without a problem.

Anyway, when I got home this evening I gave very serious thought to not going to the gym. I had excuses available: arranging the insurance claim, still mildly shaking (mild shock or adrenaline?), unsure whether the ache in my neck was there before or after the accident, and generally having had a crap day. I chose to go partly because I promised Tarkwin I’d be there, partly because I wanted to keep building up the attendance routine and partly because I figured a workout would melt the stress away.

So I met Tarkwin in the carpark, having had to dodge another lemming (two for two visits) who thought it’d be great to stand in the middle of the roadway and not move when I approached, and made our way into the still new and shiny gym. I chose my proper treadmill exercise this time, which meant I ran for the first time in ages — and it felt marvellous. The profile was walk/run, but it made me grin. I really do like to run, despite being overweight and with what my great-aunt calls a horseman’s physique: long torso and short legs. Personally, I think it’s a kind way of saying average height fat git with short legs, but that could just be me…

Next was the cross-trainer and bike, both of which were fine. I’m still taking it easy by dialling the time down to make it manageable. After that was the weights, which I did as stipulated with the exception of those on the dip/pullup machine.

Overall it was an enjoyably tiring workout, and it completely did the trick with my stress levels. Walking into the gym I was stressed, tense and grumpy, but walking out I was calm, relaxed and peaceful. It’s an alternative to a martial art, I suppose…

Back to the gym… again!

Today was my first visit to the gym in… some time. In fact, I’ve not been at all this year — and we’re 1/3 of the way through it! My weight has started to climb back up, stairs and hills are interesting again, I’m becoming noticeably lethargic, and yet I’m finding it difficult to sleep properly and to get up in the mornings. There are no valid excuses, merely a list of reasons that begin with me first not being able to go due to injury, enjoying the spare time a little too much, then falling out of the exercise habit and even forgetting to go, and then trying to regain the motivation to get past the embarrassment and gain the willpower to actually get back into the routine.

It’s awful to be back at square one again, knowing that all — or most — of the progress I’ve made in the past has gone again. Still, the irritating optimist I try to hide behind a mask of faux-pessimism knows that I’ve done it once before, so I can do it again.

So today I met Tarkwin at the leisure centre, where we both discovered that the planned gym extension has now been completed, and found ourselves standing in what felt like a proper commercial gym. A strange feeling for a council facility, which my experiences have shown are usually grubby, run-down and provide well-loved wobbly machines. It was unexpectedly encouraging.

Surprisingly, my exercise card was still in the rack, yet Tarkwin’s wasn’t. The staff put a sticker on the card every 2-3 months to ask you to book a Re-Focus (a reassessment to you and me) and if, after a month, you haven’t booked it they remove your card to free up space in the card rack for members who attend — or so the theory goes. I ripped my sticker off late last year as I hadn’t been going often at that point, and the “torn sticker” look seems to get the hint across.

I did most of the scheduled workout, with the exception of the dip/pullup machine and rower, and kept all the intensities at the lowest of the sliding scale and found that, although it was hard work, I managed it without killing myself or feeling bad afterwards. Very pleased indeed — and lifted some of the despair I had at having let myself go (yet) again. Again. Again.

Looking forward to Wednesday’s visit, and plan to get out either for a walk, jog or cycle tomorrow if they weather’s nice. The shoes and Forerunner need a dust-off, and the bike just needs a once-over and the tyres to be pumped up. Providing there’s sunshine, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to get out at start on the road to increased fitness again.

Then I’ll come back and watch the London Marathon and dream of entering it someday. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do it, but I expect I’ll have done the Reading Half Marathon before then as part of the lead up to it, and a lot of 5K (such as the Santa’s Fun Run) before that.

One step at a time…

Weight to Go – 1 month later

Well, it’s been exactly one month since I started Weight To Go, and I have to admit that the results have been positive. This time last month I weighed 122kg and now I’m a fraction over 117kg. A 5kg (11lb) loss in 31 days is a success by anyone’s reckoning.

I should clarify that I’ve done next to no exercise in the last month, for a variety of reasons ranging from injury to weather to bone idle laziness. I’m planning on rectifying that very soon, so we’ll see how that goes.

The little weight-tracking iPhone app I use, called Weightbot, conservatively forecasts that at my current rate I’ll drop below 100kg in November. Simple maths suggests it might happen much sooner–sometime in May or June–but I suppose the app is allowing for the few speedbumps I’ve had this last month and the historical data I entered as far back as August last year, which was nowhere near as encouraging as this last month has been.

The meals are still not a problem, though I do stray a little bit here and there–but I’ve always read that sticking religiously to something will drive you nuts–so I’m not afraid of the occasional pub lunch with my colleagues or dinner out, trying to limit it to no more than once a week if possible. I sometimes won’t have fruit with each morning or evening blended shake–it depends on whether I’ve remembered to buy some–though I try for at least a banana or handful of berries (strawberries, blueberries and/or blackberries), and each afternoon shake is simply mixed with water using a spoon (a little chunky like badly prepared Quik, but palatable–ideally you’d blend it at home and bring it to work). I still have a slice of bread (or two) and margarine with some of my meals, but other than that I’m sticking to the plan.

So that’s it for this update. I’ll continue with Weight To Go and let you know how things are going in a month or so.

Weight To Go – Day 12

Well, it’s been 12 days since I began the Weight To Go system. I weighed myself this morning at 119.7kg — that’s a 2.3kg (5lb) loss over almost 2 weeks. And a total of 3kg lost this month. Very pleasing.

The programme is turning out to be much easier than I had expected, and I’m still finding the shakes filling and palatable, especially when mixing berries and/or bananas in with them. I’m not sure if it’s some secret ingredient in the shakes*, the simple fact of having the exact nutrients required to stave off hunger without adding too many calories, or the fact they’re so aerated by the blender, but I really feel no inclination to snack between meals.

In fact, I usually have to remind myself to have the afternoon shake as I often don’t feel hungry at all — but I make myself have it around 4pm, as it will be at least another 3 hours before dinner and I don’t want to find myself yearning for a snack. This is particularly an issue at my office, where all my colleagues seem to look for any excuse to run out to buy some doughnuts, pastries, bacon and sausage baguettes, or all manner of fried or sugary food for everyone at the drop of a hat. It’s a lovely sense of camaraderie, but a nightmare if you’re me.

A weak point for me (outside the office junkfood smorgasboard) is immediately after the evening meal. Perhaps I’ve unwittingly trained myself as some kind of Pavlovian Dog, but for some time I’ve started to crave a dessert/sweet the moment I’ve finished dinner — not even 30 minutes to an hour later. For a few nights I found myself finishing dinner at around 7:00pm and knowing that I’d need to have a shake later that evening — say around 9pm — but looking for something sweet in between, and raiding the cupboard. I now address this by having my evening shake either immediately after dinner or as soon as I feel that post-dinner craving. It works.

I’m not a strict adherent to the diet on good days, either, as I do add the occasional item to the shakes or meals (with the shakes it’s often fruit, and with meals it’s often bread to help with the soup or wet dinner cleanup) as well as alcohol, whether it be wine or beer. Though I’m naturally someone who rarely has more than 2 drinks in one sitting, regardless of whether it’s been a 2 years or 2 days since my last drink, so it’s not going to add immensely to my caloric intake.

Providing one can overcome the cost of the programme, I think this is something that one can continue over the long term. And that’s something I plan to do, finances permitting.

I’ll let you know how I get on.

* I really hope not, as it will make the eventual to normal meals extremely difficult. But a secret incredientia is unlikely: their ingredients page makes it pretty clear.

Day No.1 of Weight To Go

Here’s the rundown of my first day on the Weight To Go system (I really should get paid for all this advertising), as promised…

First up this morning I weighed myself in at a dismal 122.0kg exactly on my Tanita digital bathroom scales. Not a happy start, but a useful baseline for the first day of a diet plan.

Breakfast was a shake with fruit. I chose the strawberry flavour, as I think it’s it’s the most morning-like of the bunch and is a better choice for mixing with berries. I poured 200ml of water and a handful of ice cubes into the blender, emptied in the shake powder sachet, added fresh strawberries, raspberries and blueberries, and then blended them together for ~30 seconds. My blender only has the one speed, so it was very straightforward. The end result was ~700ml of aerated smoothie. And it was delicious, with a nice creamy taste! My only reservation is that I’ll probably save the blueberries for the vanilla flavour, but that’s just a taste thing.

For lunch I chose the red pepper soup, and its preparation is the same as for all of the wet packet foods: open the corners of the packet and place in the microwave for 2 minutes, remove the top of the packet completely and stir the contents, then back in the microwave for another 1 minute. The soup was very nice — not too peppery.

The afternoon shake was vanilla, and this one I kept plain: just water, ice and sachet, blended together. It was quite nice as it was, though I think things like blueberries will add to it, as creamy/foamy vanilla is very plain as a drink.

For dinner I chose the Cumbrian meatballs and, because I didn’t have my act together this evening in terms of vegetables to go with it, “southern style” oven fries. A very British meal: animal protein and chips. While not the most balanced meal I could have had, it was marvellous. If tonight’s meal was anything to go by, these packet meals are going to be no problems at all — particularly as there seems to be quite a range to choose from.

The post-dinner shake was banana and, because I had 2 over-ripe bananas that either needed to be eaten or composted, I thought I’d try a banana smoothie: water, ice, sachet, and 2 bananas. And very nice it was, too.

Perhaps it was because I had all my meals late today, being a Saturday and I slept late, but I found having what is effectively 5 meals quite a challenge: I had breakfast ~10:30, lunch ~14:30, afternoon shake ~17:00, dinner ~20:30 and “dessert” shake ~22:00. I suspect things will be different during the week, particularly as I’ll be having breakfast ~07:30, so it will be interesting to see if I have this “can I fit it all in dilemma”.

Now’s the time to confess a little, perhaps to offset the overly positive suggestions from the previous paragraph, but that wasn’t all I consumed today. Excluding a couple of cups of tea (no sugar), I also had 2 slices of margarined bread with soup at lunch, 2 pints of ale in the evening (it’s the weekend!), and a Kit-Kat after dinner. Not quite the strict adherence to a plan that I’d envisaged, but it’s the weekend and, at least as far as lunch goes, if I’m to endure soup (even nice soup) it has to have something to provide texture and absorption.

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday is that none of the food requires refrigeration. It will all happily sit in your cupboards — or in the box it came in, if you’re particularly lazy — and the expiry dates are reasonably high. Aside from the water and optional ice, the only perishables that you require are the fresh fruit for the morning shake and the vegetables for the evening meal. This could mean that big American-style fridge-freezer you have could become nothign more than an expensive ice-cube tray holder and fruit and vege crisper…

Other than the variations and concerns about being able to get it all in there every day, I’m very pleased with today’s test. But rather than post daily updates — I can’t imagine anything more boring than a “I ate X, Y and Z today” food diary blog — I’ll probably just provide a summary at the end of the 7 days. Suffice to say it’s encouraging, and seems viable over the long term.